So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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