you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
