Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
