omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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