Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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