She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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