I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
