is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All the doctor said was why
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
