I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
