OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
