Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
