Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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