I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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