you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She said her name was "party"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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