if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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