so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Found the puke drawer
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
