WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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