apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
