K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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