I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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