I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
