Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
