just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize