Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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