Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
