Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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