I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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