She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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