Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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