if i can run in heels then i can drive
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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