Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A+ Viking dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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