I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
