I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
