I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
