you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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