Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
