Plan B is the new Plan A
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
