if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
