I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
