would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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