Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
