As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
