Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
