i think my tv is drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
