i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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