He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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