If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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