no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She needs sedatives and a leash
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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