ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
