hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
