remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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