So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
