thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
