I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
