SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
