Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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